merisa's Journal

30 June
External Services:
  • merisa@livejournal.com
  • Creator42
  • 776189 ICQ status
I've updated my bio because I've felt my old one didn't say anything about me.
I think it goes without saying (but as I tend to do, I'll say it anyway) that most of us feel that the person that other people see isn't the same as the one we are inside. With that in mind, it sometimes boggles my mind how people just can't wrap their minds around me... I mean... it's the same, right? I guess not... I guess I threaten them on some level... I guess just the word conjures up images of daytime talk shows and grotesqe strippers with really horrid makeup (and we know it's makeup that counts)... to the point where I have difficulty actually saying it. Transsexual. It's not a pretty word... it seems so jarring... an odd mix, to say the least.
But I guess that sums me up pretty well. Or me at first, anyway. I'm a lot of other things. I'm bitchy, quiet, talkative, attention-span-less, sweet, intense, a hopeless romantic, frightened, philosophical, a gamer, a writer, a poet, an aspiring one, anyway.., easily hurt, quick to apologize, guilty, lonely, senseless, annoying, know-it-all, a singer (when I'm alone)... and a bunch of other normal and not-so-normal things... but it's tough to talk about onesself...

Merisa's Transsexuality F.A.Q.
There's a host of questions that I'm asked every time... this should get them out of the way.

Are you male or female?
I'm female. That is to say, I don't believe mental and emotional gender and physical sex are necessarily tied together. I have a male body. I have a female mind. I currently live as a male, until such point as I can find the money and support to transition to female.

Are you a transvestite?
No, I'm a transsexual, there's a big difference. If I am female mentally, and wear feminine clothes... I can't be a transvestite.

But you're really a man.
That's not a question. But no, I'm not. I really am what I am.

I believe that people's gender is determined by their biological sex. Is it okay to treat you as a male?
Not if you value my respect in any way. Trust me, insisting on referring to me as male hurts me much more than it makes you feel uncomfortable. If you can't respect this about me, I can't respect you.

Are you gay?
Gay, in my case, would mean that I'm attracted to women. I am bisexual, with a preference for girls.

How long have you been this way?
I've always been this way. When I was little (early elementary school) I wanted to be a girl, and even remember confessing this to a friend at the time. I admitted this to myself in late high school, and to others shortly after.

Transsexual? So does that mean that you've had surgery?
No. Though it's often used in a more casual way to refer to men (sex) who have undergone hormone therapy and surgery to take on female physical characteristics, I use it (and it should be used) to mean someone whose gender (again, mental) is different from their sex (physical). I do intend to undergo hormone therapy once it's practical to do so. I may need some minor cosmetic surgery, but as for Sex Reassignment Surgery, I'm not as certain. That's not really my concern right now.

What about Gender Identity Disorder, Gender Dysphoria, etc?
I dislike the term GID because it carries the connotation that I am in some way broken. I don't believe I am. I may feel this way sometimes... but I don't feel it's an appropriate term to use. Gender dysphoria refers to the negative feelings that arise from one's gender being different from one's sex. I don't feel this is appropriate for me most of the time... saying 'suffers from gender dysphoria' also makes me feel like it's an illness... which I disagree with.

Why should how you look matter, anyway?
Well... as I said waay up there, it causes people to treat you differently... and when it's something as major as your sex (and it IS major in our culture today) you're constantly reminded that all the context that people see you in is ... well, wrong.

Do you really think you'll look ok? Most transsexuals I've seen are really ugly.
I've always said... the reason people don't think there are many transsexuals is because if they look normal, you can't tell. That said, it's not me to judge. These pictures on this journal are the ones that are best to judge from. Judge for yourself. I think I'll be passable with no real problems (that is to say, unless you knew what you were looking for, you wouldn't notice anything).

I think I'm transsexual too, can I talk to you about it?
Of course. I can't say I have the greatest amount of experience, as I've yet to transition, but I'll do what I can.

Well, that was really long. It's probably the single biggest issue about me... so it warrants some discussion... that is all... in the past, it seemed that I glossed over it in my bio... so this time, I went head on...